November 20, 2019
Iyanla Asks Women to Speak Their Pain So Their Daughters Won’t Repeat It | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

Iyanla Asks Women to Speak Their Pain So Their Daughters Won’t Repeat It | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN


Sometimes, as
women, we really don’t understand the importance
of our culture, our environment, our ecology. What’s coming down this line
has been in this family. You all are acting it out the
way you know how to act out. Momma and I had a
good, good talk today. We did. And so much of who
she is and what she did came from her mother. And so much of that may
have come from her mother. Do you want to share with
them some of the things that we talked about today? Well, we talked about mom
and dad fighting and fussing and how that affected me, that
I never share with you all. Like when I was young,
I was yelled at a lot, from my parents and
my siblings, you know? Mhm. They call me ugly, and
they call me cripple. All of that that she made
me realize, it’s true. You know. I’m really sorry. Are you sorry or forgive me? Forgive me for not being
the ownership of this family. [MUSIC PLAYING] But here’s what you all
came here to understand. Your children, who watched and
heard your mother be violently, physically, and
verbally abused, and she never spoke to you about it. You had to make up
your own mind about it. Momma, your babies weren’t
safe in their mind. You weren’t safe. Mhm. So you had to make
up what to do about it. And also make up that
she couldn’t handle it. Because you judge her as weak. You judged her as weak. And you’re not going
to be like that. Then you take over. Would that be accurate? If you can’t save
yourself, you can’t save me. And as the oldest child,
I think I just felt like, OK, if I could
protect myself, then I could make sure Mal was OK. But I didn’t understand
why you could– why you chose to stay
in that situation. Why? Can I tell you why? Because her father beat her. It was familiar. And we’ll do what’s
familiar and comfortable rather than try the unknown. And you better pay attention to
what they do because you do it. I didn’t know a lot– or any– pretty much anything
of what I’ve heard today. So– That’s how she’ll
end up in it. Because the tree don’t grow
from the leaf to the root. It grow from the
root to the leaf. OK? It’s in her blood. Yeah. She needs to know that she
don’t have to stay with a man who puts his hands on her. And she can talk about
it when it happens. And that the whole
village is going to show up should it ever happen. But the women have to gather
and speak, so that you know.

94 thoughts on “Iyanla Asks Women to Speak Their Pain So Their Daughters Won’t Repeat It | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

  1. Iyanla speaks the truth: a tree grows from the root to the leaf. People need to understand that sin is passed down through generations so every single person has a pattern they inherited from their parents, grandparents etc. you just have to break the pattern of sin in order to heal yourself and become a healthy person..

  2. Yes! This Fact has been detrimental to my life. And rhings could have been soooo different if she would open up and share her life story with her daughters but she dont talk to us about it

  3. By watching these clips its like I'm getting free sessions. I'm pregnant and I'm making sure I don't pass my toxic/ negative traits to my daughter….i love iyanla.

  4. And black people act as if there is NO a correlation between black fathers beating their daughters and those daughters dating violent black men. 4 times as many black women in domestic violence relationships as compared to white women. Wake up people!

  5. So sad so beautiful so moving runs true to my family and myself. I have a lot of healing, a lot of apologies and a lot of forgiving and forgiving myself

  6. See the difference when Inynla helps ppl is when you want the healing you can get to that place of learning but you gotta go thru the hard part first, and that's humbling yourself and listening in order to change and grow!

  7. What a power packed segment. Mama Bailey is so beautiful to me. The idea that anyone could ever look at those regal cheekbones and tell her she's ugly?? Unbelievable.

  8. Ok. They need to get Cynthia to the set in a roller set and house shoes because her beauty, style and beat face are distracting me from the healing. #flawless

  9. Familiar & Comfortable…. Let the church say Amen! I just put 2 and 2 together for myself last summer about the verbally disrespectful men in my family. It was mind blowing, to realize my own truth๐Ÿ˜”

  10. The problem is… not many mothers are willing to go there and reveal the dysfunction theyโ€™ve survived. Theyโ€™re unwilling to be vulnerable with their children and uncover the truth. So the pattern repeats.

  11. So true…speak it and have the village show up…strength in love and numbers…๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

  12. I wish we could find Christian counselors who can truly help and guide the way Iyanla does. Its hard to find real help in the church lately. People don't speak and if you speak no one hears you.

  13. She truly wants to see others healed so they can move forward in a positive direction. If you truly watch ALL of the healing in others, you'll see how you can use some of these or other techniques in our lives to heal from whatever we need healing from. We "ALL" have a story, pain, a lie we live or living, something was left unsaid. So much going on in the ๐ŸŒŽ

  14. Cynthia is so beautiful itโ€™s crazy. But i didnโ€™t know she was on this season. I knew about the Braxtonโ€™s but they kept Cynthia quiet

  15. ๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’ซ

  16. Based on attachment styles, if you don't have what you need as a child(emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually, etc) how would it manifest in your parenting style with your children? Lack creates pain, fear, the need for revenge/to avenge, resentment, jealousy, envy etc Those mistakes continue on through the entire family tree leaving each generation with the scars and bruises associated with that deprivation.

  17. After hearing this mother own her secrets I am finally, after 64 yrs able to cry for my mother and myself having watched my father beat down, my mother, the love of his life, like a rabid animal.

  18. Greatness happens when a family is willing to LISTEN and RECEIVE the tools Iyanla gives them to repair and grow. The Braxtons weren't willing. They fought her every step.

  19. The day my mother finally told me about her pain and the things she wen through I realized what was happening and I couldnโ€™t let it come full circle so I stopped it right then and there.

    I donโ€™t want the same for my future children

  20. I bet the mama was fine as hell when she was younger because she is gorgeous now ๐Ÿ˜Mallory daughter looks like her grandmother ms Barbara ๐Ÿ˜God really took his time on this family

  21. No more blk family secrets. Thank you. We're growing people. Just maybe blk women can start letting blk men be men and blk families can form once again.

  22. Wow Iyanla, looks beautiful. The hair with the bangs and the white shirtโ€ฆ on Point. And as always her ability to guide woman through their process is extraordinary.

  23. Guys don't be mad but remember when Mom and Mallory try to hide the Marriage Certificate when Cynthia was getting Married….Mallory seemed to have it all with her marriage….Im glad they're doing this.

  24. Wow. This is powerful. ๐Ÿ˜ขโค๏ธ These women are beautiful, loving souls. I hope they find the peace they deserve!

  25. This family is real, i love how calm & non-dramatic they all are. My goodness! one expected the Braxton's to behave like this since they are god fearing, guess not!

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