November 12, 2019
Ain’t the Way to Die | Eminem/Rihanna Remixed | ZDoggMD.com

Ain’t the Way to Die | Eminem/Rihanna Remixed | ZDoggMD.com


Just gonna stand there and watch me burn End of life and all my wishes go unheard They just prolong me and don’t ask why But it’s not right because this ain’t the way to die This ain’t the way to die I can’t tell you what I really want You can only guess what it feels like And right now it’s a steel knife in my windpipe I can’t breathe but ya still fight ‘cause ya can fight Long as the wrong’s done right—protocol’s tight High off of drugs, try to sedate I’m like a pincushion, I hate it, the more I suffer I suffocate And right before I’m about to die, you resuscitate me You think you’ve saved me, and I hate it, wait… Let me go, I’m leaving you—no I ain’t Tube is out, you put it right back, here we go again It’s so insane, ’cause though you think it’s good, I’m so in pain I’m more machine than man now, I’m Anakin And no advanced directive, I feel so ashamed And, crap, who’s that nurse? I don’t even know her name You lay hands on me, to prolong my life again I guess you must think that this is livin’… Just gonna stand there and watch me burn End of life and all my wishes go unheard They just prolong me and don’t ask why It’s my right to choose the way that I should die The way that I should die ZDoggMD This ain’t easy. Get the family. You ever love somebody so much, you can barely see when you with ‘em That they, lay sick and dying but you just don’t wanna let ‘em Be at peace cause you miss ‘em already but they ain’t gone Beep beep, the ventilator alarms I swore I’d never harm ‘em, never do nothing to hurt ‘em Hippocratic oath Primum non nocere, now I’m forced just to torture ‘em They push full code, no one knows what his wishes were His sister heard him say once, “I don’t wanna be a vegetable.” But no one agrees in the family, the caregiver Kate Wants him comfort care but Aunt Claire lives so far away That her guilt eats her like a cancer So she answers, “Wait!” “I think he’ll wake!” Ma’am, you ain’t even in the state! Palliate, relieve pain, get him home, explain Critical care? Just hypocritical when it’s so insane But they insist I shock his heart again so I persist I guess that’s why they say that love is pain. Just gonna stand there and watch me burn End of life and all my wishes go unheard They just prolong me and don’t ask why It’s my right to choose the way that I should die The way that I should die

100 thoughts on “Ain’t the Way to Die | Eminem/Rihanna Remixed | ZDoggMD.com

  1. Very powerful. I know my mom’s wishes but it’s not in writing. My dad refuses to have the conversation. They’re both approaching 70. I know my brother has strong feelings that differ from mine. I’ve passed this and your other video on in hopes things get written down. I fear having to deal with the loss of a parent and a brother.

  2. ZDogg…please do a show/discussion on assisted suicide/ones Own wish to exit life? Should we not be allowed to exit by choice, when we were not born by choice, etc? Should this not be left up to The individual?
    Greetings from Norway

  3. Worked over 30 yrs in the Medical field and these words..are Soooo….Awesome and true!!
    He should still be making these type videos..
    It is how I ended up Subscribing to this channel..
    Blessings and Prayers from a Nana of 3 in NC

  4. Both as a EMS nurse, a patients now with. MS and cardiac problems, and someone who called off any life support on my patents and my husband, I wished I'd had this sooner to play for their friends and lessor relatives who I had to fight.

  5. 23years EMT, been there, done that, seen done, done cpr in one to many lost cases, have a DNR, 3 minutes in, and you aint gonna come back to what you were, so it's better to have an advanced will directive and a DNR, I have one since they were signed into law here. As a T1D, I belive it's of utmost importance to have and AWD and a DNR, as we are a "risk group".

    Have the utmost respect for the law, and the will to save lifes, but one has the right to decide how one doesnt one to be kept in a "zombie like state" of undead, connected to machines sofering without self determination or will.

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  7. As someone whose had to make medical decisions like this for someone else; it sucks. I hope nobody ever has to do it. The worse part is, we were still in our early 30s and prior to what happened to my wife, we never discussed it. It’s never too early, you never know when it will happen, plan today or better yet right now. Name one person, and one back up, and inform them NOW of everything you want to happen and more importantly don’t want to happen. Trust me when I say this, having to make these decisions while looking at your loved one on the bed, is completely and utterly horrible. Sucks so much. It’s been almost two years now and every time I think about it, it makes me cry. PS – My wife survived, thanks be to God and the medical team.

  8. I had to go through this a few months ago with my mum, problem was I told the doctors at the hospital that if there was no chance to save her (and I mean get her back to how she was, not living on machines) that they are to let her go. 10 HOURS… 10 hours she was kept on life support while acidosis ate away at her kidneys while everytime my sister and I asked if it was time, the ICU staff fed us some line about how "she's very sick" instead of just saying it was time.
    Yeah in the end it hurt for mum to die but I couldn't have lived with myself if I let her suffer like that.

  9. This makes me cry as it reminds me of my best friend who died a long time ago. She collapsed from a ruptured brain aneurysm a week after giving birth to her son and was in the ICU intubated and comatose. Her family heavily depended on her and begged for consults, second opinions, even a transfer to a 'better medical facility.' The doctors knew that I am a nurse and after showing me her scans and neuro exam, asked me to help explain to the family that she was gone. Despite all this, they still wanted to press on.

    She herniated while I was still there and I noticed her warm hands getting cooler. I whispered to her and told her it was okay to stop fighting if she felt she couldn't go on anymore. Not long after, she was taken off life support and she passed. I never told her family of that moment alone with her but it haunts me to this day.

  10. “Critical care, just hypocritical when it’s so insane” …… I work in critical care … this is .. painfully accurate

  11. The last time my dad went in for open heart surgery to get the valve replaced for his aorta, about 5 years ago, he had told me he wanted to keep quality of life. After the surgery, he said he wasn't sure anymore. I tried to get him to talk more about it. I tried to get details. But he didn't like revisiting the subject and I never got thr specifics.

    Last month, he was diagnosed with dementia. Now he has another aortic aneurysm. And he lives in another state, and I have no idea what his final wishes are, and that choking guilt even just thinking about it is a very real thing.

    For healthcare professionals and families alike, it's perhaps one of the most painful positions to be in. The least we can do is arm our loved ones with the undeniable and clear knowledge of what we want. I'm only in my 30s and I've already been talking with my husband about it, because like hell I'll even risk putting him in that position unarmed.

  12. I have lived both sides of this situation quite literally. First as a patient in 2012 and a family member who pulled support from my Aunt in 2016. I survived after given an 8% chance.

    I was 30 and an EMT about to start Paramedic School. Husband 3 kids ages 5 to 15. (Yes do the math. Teen mom.)

    6 years of revolving door hospital stays, surgeries, Doctors and Debt we have lost almost everything.

    My daily pain and suffering is nothing to me compared to having to watch my family struggle.

    My Aunt had been mentally ill most of her adult life she never had kids. We just lost my Father the year prior from CHF complications.

    My Mom and My Uncles left upon my me to decide for her. She had no brain activity in her Frontal Cortex. What good would it have done to prolong her suffering.

    Zdogg I would love to share my story to help bring awareness. It's probably enough for a book….lol.

  13. Hospice nurse here. Thank you. I'm so fucking sick of seeing this same thing over and over and over and over… I quit Med-Surg because of it. By the time I see these patients in hospice, they and their families HATE doctors and hospitals. They feel lied to. The patients who've been brutalized this way usually die quickly once we get them, often the same day. And it's rarely peaceful or painless. Venting because I had to deal with it AGAIN today. Family devastated, in pieces. If only someone had referred them earlier…

  14. A book by atul gawande touches on this great called being mortal had my parents read it with how their parents are slowing deteriorating

  15. Well… Fuck…
    (Amazingly good and that hurt… Also… Give Peter a hi when you see him. Found this through his podcast)

  16. I left ICU nursing and went into hospice (non for profit). This video states why i changed over – much better than I could say, sing, scream, cry. With all my heart I would like to thank you for reaching out and hopefully schooling people on:
    A. The need to have legal end of life wishes…no matter what your age or health.
    B. How messy and unjust to leave these decisions for your loved ones or worse- NO ONE.
    C. For illustrating how the patient feels; his body in a cage, strangers constantly doing unto him, a knife down his throat and needles of all descriptions slicing into skin.
    Year after year of watching this happen. Mutely 'caring' for these people. And worse transferring them to long term care facilities so this existence could continue for on and on and on and……

  17. This hit me hard on both a personal and professional level. As a Paramedic I deal with patients and family during the end of life. I have also experience excruciating personal loss. This video is difficult to watch, but planning for End of Life Care is so very important.

  18. Well done. Right now, I am a hospice RN case manager. And some very sad things and people do not have their wishes completely known.

  19. after 13 years in a SICU, this was why I left……families/doctors/friends never could see when the outcome was not going to change…..

  20. W T F – OMG WEIRd
    THIS IS EXACTLY what my poor father has been going through for too long!!!
    I did not search for this video, did not know it existed, it wasn't even a suggested video and it just started playing when I went on YouTube..
    😟 we finally just made the decision to stop resuscitation because at this point we feel they are torturing and making him suffer for selfish reasons..
    It's a very difficult decision to make. My dad literally just went home today on hospice because we don't want to lose him in a hospital or nursing home. Modern medical care and technology can be a miracle but it can also be a nightmare.
    TRY to make the choice yourself by having a Living Will..
    Even that can't always protect us from the hands of certain doctors who try to play God.
    Some are in a rush to kill us while others want to play Frankenstein. 😖😔

  21. hey Doc! I just passed my medical boards! still watching your vids this 2019! been a fan since 2nd year med school!

  22. I have stage 4 cancer. It started 4 yrs ago with colon cancer, my colon burst causing sepsis, I was in a coma for a while. Came to attached to a ventilator, I hated the feeding tube but loved the ventilator, it made a soothing noise. I had the colostomy from hell! And 2 hernias. I'm on chemo now. But I'm not keen on living a half life. I want to end it but I don't live in a state where death with dignity is allowed.

  23. I don't have the stories many of you have, as I've only been an pathology tech, and emergency services volunteer. What I will say though, is I'm sick of the hypocrisy of putting our suffering pets out of their misery, but we won't do it for our suffering human loved ones.

  24. I have been on both sides as a nurse; I’ve seen families support their loved ones to have the most peaceful dignified end and the ones who are clueless and who just want to keep their loved one alive no matter the cost or prolonging of life. I recently had an experience with a patient who was suffering from terminal illness who spent their last moments with me as I was fighting to have them sent to the hospital because they were a full code and I needed the family to be there with the docs so they could get the code status changed and let this person be at peace. Its so hard to watch people suffer for the sake of “love” and I’ve been an advocate of hospice and palliative care since before I became a nurse. I will always support my patients right to die a peaceful, dignified end and advocate for them to the best of my ability. Thank you for approaching such a difficult subject, this was a very moving piece and you did it perfectly.

  25. I'm an ICU nurse and this is the real deal, this happenns every day. Please make sure you talk about this with your family and if you are in this position always speak to your doctors and nurses its hard but you need to be strong for your love one that is suffering.

  26. Not gonna lie… I want medical science to do everything possible to save my life. Not short of freezing my head to find a care in the future. Lol

  27. There is such a thing as having a good death. It's as natural as the sun going down at the end of the day. It's just not part of our culture, of our society. It's neither welcomed or accepted. But it's kind. And the best any of us could hope for.
    One of the most lovely, gentlest deaths I ever experienced was that of a 13 year-old young lady. A child. With aplastic anemia. And no donor. And PCP. It's so effing hard to not be able to keep kids from dying. But it doesn't have to be horrendous when we can't save them.
    I've been a part of flogging young and old. I've seen young and old die gently, with their loved ones surrounding them. There are times when pulling out all the stops is absolutely the right thing to do. We do know those times.
    We know when it's time to stop, too. But for so many reasons, we may not. Can not. Will not. And there is harm in that.
    Create a living will and a durable power of attorney for health care. Discuss it with the agents you choose to be your voice when you can no longer tell your doctor your wishes. Sometimes, the people who love you the most and the people who care for you at the end of your life need your permission to let you go.

  28. As a CNA who works in a nursing home and hospice that honestly made me cry, seeing the elderly on a daily basis often not have their wishes heard made me WANT to become a nurse, made me WANT to get into healthcare to be the voice for those who can't speak! This really hit my heart strings hard! Thanks for being another healthcare provider who really does care about their patients #bethechange

  29. I’m a pediatric perfusionist and ECMO specialist. I’ve written about 7 paragraphs and erased them so far. There is so much to say about this, but in the end, you’ve said it way better than I can. The way we’re doing it is wrong: for the family, for the staff, and especially for the patient. I hope we can figure out a better way. Great Job, ZDoggMD….

  30. Just lost my 45 yr old son…6 weeks in coma…his choices were honored and he was allowed the dignity to leave this earth as he became an organ donar.

  31. Your Train vid (meet virginia) brought me here……and , i would just like to say DAYUM! Love your work.

  32. I swear I'm going to have DNR tatooed on my chest and my signature. 🙂 (Afraid a good samaratin will not have access to my paper work) Going to initial it date it and update it every year if needed. 🙂

  33. I was in Mckee hospital for what turned out to be vertigo. My back was diagnosed with arthritis they pumped morphine in me then the mental health lady tried to talk to me. They put me in safewatch. Then Becky the catheter bitch came in while I was resting in the bed that has an air compressor running constantly and loud moves the bed constantly the lights as bright as can be. Look at the side effects of vertigo and morphine. Lights, sound and movement are extremely bad. I was threatened with restraint and a catheter shoved in my dick. I told her and the two security guards I will give piss many times, I was told
    NOPE YOU HAD YOUR TWO CHANCES. BTW. ALSO look at morphine side effects again. Morphine it states you can have problems urinating. I tried to run out of the room I got tackled my diaphragm is ruptured my body swells I now have gastric problems so that tells me something is wrong with my innards I will never go to a doctor or Hospital ever again by the way I forgot to mention I was raised by Social Services at the age 10 because a hospital in San Diego murdered my mother at the age of 34. Her sixth heart surgery was a success but they gave her blood with hepatitis and she died 1971. Basically I'm rotting from the inside out and dying. I am poor and we can't get help from a lawyer. I am still that red headed foster child. I have been held down and threatened with rape many times in the orphanage and juvenile hall now I can add the threat of my penis being raped to the list. Thanks to the two security guards who handled my dick while handcuffed to get my urine.. and I know that ain't right. But I get no help. I hate the medical field and personnel

  34. I lost my mom in 2015 to cancer and one of the first things we did was have The Talk with hospice (hospice, by the way, is amazing. Nurses are all amazing and hospice nurses are some of the best.) That discussion was the hardest and the best talk I ever had with my mom in my entire life.
    Losing her, seeing what she went through, what we went through, and then talking with others about their experiences has made me so passionate about the fact that we don't talk openly and honestly enough about death in our society.
    We avoid talking about our wishes or those of our loved ones. We avoid talking about what happens to our bodies as we go through the dying process. We avoid talking about grief. The entire process is so distant and sanitized; I think it adds to our fears about death and dying.
    I want so badly to start a discussion about this somehow, but I'm not sure how or where to start.

  35. I’m not a healthcare worker, but my father had a hemorrhagic stroke at age 57. By the time I flew across the country to get to the hospital, he was in a coma he was never going to come out of. The doctors & nurses kept working on him, drilling into his skull to relieve pressure, he was on a breathing machine & he was so brain damaged that he would never live a normal life & have to re-learn everything IF he could breathe on his own. He was very independent & would not have wanted to be kept alive unnaturally, so I said my goodbyes to him, told him he was a good father and that I loved him but I would be ok now; I am grown with my own family & he could go and be at peace. They said he couldn’t hear me, but I think he did—they removed his intubation tube and he let out a sigh of relief, and I was holding his hand & could feel his spirit leave his body.
    It is amazing to think that he witnessed my first breath of life coming into this world & I witnessed his last, as he was leaving. Death is natural, and though 57 is kind of young to die, it’s more than a lot of people get, & he always said if he had to be on a machine to breathe, that I would have to be strong and unselfish & let him go. So I did.

  36. I had a tough talk with my parents recently. They didn’t want to hear it when I’m so young, but it was a necessary conversation to have. I like everyone to know my wishes for end of life care, life prolonging measures, and funeral arrangements. It gives you peace of mind to know that if it comes to it, your family knows what you want.

  37. I recorded this and blasted it while sitting at the redlight. I wished I had a pic of the looks and laughs I got 😂😂😂😂😂

  38. Powerful statement. So hard to get family members to see how awfull is is sometimes to keep bringing them back.

  39. I am watching this happen to someone I love. It is just like your video including him saying he wouldnt want to live like a vegetable. And I feel awful because I dont want to go to the hospital to see him like this.

  40. i work in long term care and admitted a woman who had a legal living will that stated what she wanted for end of life care. DNR DNI NO G TUBE… eight children. She was dx"d with dementia two years after coming to us, had a CVA. Charge nurse called family to report change in condition, family said send her to the hospital. after eight days in the hospital we got her back. g tube and all. She has ripped out the g tube about 30 times, gets up and has fallen resulting in concussions, compound fx's many that could not be reset or surgically repaired r/t age, cardiac status, chf, as well asother age related problems. The CVA left her with severe disphasia. MD and speech made her NPO. family insisted on follow up barium swollow that was consistent with the the three previous studies. NPO.!! PCP, Speech and the DON as well as SS were at the care plan meeting. Family hired a lawyer and got an over ride and now feed mom when ever they want.. needless to say aspiration pneumonia is now a chronic thing. The family is also training extended family to feed her. So grandma who wanted to die a natural death is now hooked up to a feeding pump for 16 hours a day, oob for short periods via special hoyer to a wheel chair with braces and splints (broken hip won't survive surgey) on constant ABX for pneumonia, C-diff positive, chronic skin issues related to incontinance of B&B, chronic UTI. She responds to family with a smile.. latest injustace to mother is follow up x rays and ortho app. because the family wants her to start pt. I hope people read this and wake up. She made a living will for a reason. Munchhausen by proxy??? WTF. love you Z
    ,

  41. i forgot to add that when she had the stroke the family made her a full code. A FULL CODE, she is in her late 80's…..broken ribs, lacerated liver, punctured lungs, yeahhh! i hope i am not there when it happens.

  42. I'm a medical social worker and elder care manager. I'm pretty sure the driving factor that brought me to this profession was having to argue with physicians to let my father die. The doctors argued with me. My dad told hurtful things to me. I was trying to honor his wishes, as he had instructed me (and everyone in the family) for our entire lives with him. Like, he made me promise to break into the hospital and unplug him if he was ever on life support. So when the medical world could no longer save him, and the physician said Dad would learn to swallow again after 2 years of rehab, I had to say Stop! Still the physician argued. So I had to tell him we removed my father's handgun from the home so he wouldn't kill himself. If he had killed himself, we wouldn't have gotten any insurance money to pay for his cremation. Yes, I feel passionately about this. 100% true fact: we are all going to die. Denying this fact doesn't make it better, it makes it worse. Peace!

  43. As long as we humans don't allow each individual to choose when and how to die we are not really human. We should be able to find ways to help people die in dignity and peacefully, without any unnecessary mental or physical pain.

  44. Excellent!!!!!!! I work in senior living and while I deal with advance directives every day, its not just about older adults. Everyone over 18 should have an advance directive. Oftentimes family doesn't want to make the tough choice because they haven't dealt with their own mortality or the hard things have been left unsaid. "Its never too soon, until its too late" says it all. Death is a part of life – let's talk about it, write about it, its OK. I want to see more videos!

  45. I am an active lobbyist for Voluntary Assisted Dying. I have been for a long time. I nursed two parents through horrific cancer/end of life journeys. I've had a 20 year battle with breast cancer and was recently diagnosed as terminal. I still have my humour – am a BIG Eminem fan – and so this "remix" is absolutely bloody awesome and will be shared far and wide.

  46. These comments are bringing tears to my eyes…in a way that's moving and important. Thank you for making this.
    Once Voluntary Assisted Life Ending becomes a reality, we need to think about people being able to make advance choices for if they develop dementia. Currently there's no help for these people.

  47. It's true. Once a store clerk asked what I do I told her I'm an RRT and I manage life support (vents), airways, and so on . She said that's nice that you get to bring people back to life. I said yeah, sometimes, but usually we bring them back and they suffer until they die again or worse… They stay in that sufferance until a legal decision is made. I'm not even 40 yet and I don't think I'd want to be revived. Haven't set up dnr status yet, but I think about it sometimes.

  48. I have to tell my daughter's story here because she was a patient that BEGGED to live and was euthanized AGAINST HER WILL at 26 years old and she was NOT TERMINALLY ILL. My daughter entered the hospital for gastric distress, hypotension, nausea & vomiting, muscle weakness, low blood pressure/orthostatic hypotension – all the signs and symptoms of internal bleeding from gastric ulcers. ALL THE WELL KNOWN ADVERSE REACTIONS OF LONG TERM NSAIDS (given not for PRN for pain but SCHEDULED FOR PROTECTION from arthritis?!?! WTF?!? 4 years aprox of Meloxicam plus Toradol boosters every time she went to ED for any of the above symptoms?!?). REQUEST ONE – CAN YOU PLEASE DO A SEGMENT ON THE DANGERS OF NSAIDS?!? AND INCLUDE HOW DOCTORS SHOULD NEVER MIX MULTIPLES TOGETHER OR GIVE TORADOL FOR CHRONIC PAIN – the ignorance surrounding these drugs, I assure you, is causing way more suffering than keeping a person alive an additional day, as bad as that is.

    These were the outpatient drugs for my daughter when she arrived at the hospital for gastric distress suspicious of internal bleeding:
    1) long term Meloxicam w intermittent Toradol (4 years aprox) – again not PRN for pain but SCHEDULED DAILY for protection from Arthritis – ridiculous
    2) long term Plaquenil (5 years) – for LUPUS but was really a reaction to empirical antibiotics (both ceftriaxone & doxycycline) instead of waiting one day for STD lab result (NEGATIVE) then closely followed by Clobetosal overdose 60gram tube used up in a week (patient not warned) for the antibiotic induced RASH that then created the adrenal collapse – THIS IS NOT LUPUS –
    YOU DONT NEED FOREVER DRUGS FOR THIS SUDDEN ONSET DRUG INDUCED ACUTE CRISIS – there was no CHRONIC history of any of this so the lupus diagnosis is beyond malpractice.
    3) from the above she began to experience SUN/LIGHT SENSITIVITY and flu-like illness everything she had sun exposure or was under high powered lights. This health issues are
    WELL KNOWN ADVERSE REACTIONS TO BOTH PLAQUENIL AND NSAIDS – and yet they told her this too was LUPUS and suggested she take CHEMO!!! I had moved to Oregon so I wasn't
    aware of this.
    4) 6 months of CHEMO on TOP of the PLAQUENIL AND MELOXICAM – now all of this toxic mess for THE LUPUS THAT SHE DOESNT REALLY HAVE….the methotrexate was note to be for
    OSTEOARTHRITIS (but metho isn't a treatment for that?!?) the doctor notes that is great that Annie DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY SIGN OF OSTEOARTHRITIS ON HER XRAYS BECAUSE
    THEY LIKE TO START THIS MEDS BEFORE THERE IS ANY EVIDENCE ON THE XRAYS – does any of this makes sense to YOU? I'm sure you think i'm making this up. The only way you'll
    know I am not making it up is to put the doctor's name here Eleanor Anderson-Williams a Rheumatologist. After six months of this toxic cocktail my daughter's liver was injured so she
    stopped the chemo but continued the nonstop plaquenil and meloxicam – EYE SITE TANKING WITH VISION DISTRUBANCES STREAKS AND FLASHES and DRUSENS by the age of 23
    (doc said no worries drusens is related to age?!?!) AND A 10-2 DEFECT – these visions issues DEMAND stopping BOTH PLAQNEIL AND NSAIDS – but they dont – they tell her that her eyes are
    fine vision loss not because of plaquenil – so forget about it…?!? a young person is going blind here and no worries?! vision tanked from 20/20 to 20/50 and I see a note of no
    improvement with pinhole.
    5) Then after the chemo is stopped, CELLCEPT is ADDED TO THE PLAQUENIL AND LT HEAVY DOSING NSAID COMBOS?!?! again for the SUN SENSITIVITY and immediately she lost 20lb in two months – cant stop vomiting, mucosal lining so dried up that without constantly drinking water she fears her throat will close up – STILL NO DOCTORS EVEN STOP THE NASAIDS?!? NO STOPPING THE PLAQUENIL AND NSAIDS – AND THEN THEY ADD DECADRON?!? ARE THEY TOTALLY INSANE OR JUST TOTALLY IGNORANT?

    I didn't know it at the time but only after her death did I realize that throughout the above outpatient nightmare – the doctors had headlined her records with the diagnosis EATING DISORDER – it's nuts because during most of that time she weighed about 155-165 and looked gorgeous – had perfect teeth and skin – Asian women would stop her in the street asking about her skin – only after her death did I realize completely how stripped of any chance at survival they had made her by the FALSE ALLEGATION THAT SHE HAD AN EATING DISORDER 2ND ONLY TO "LUPUS" IN HER CHART. nobody was actually looking to cure her – they simply blamed her for her own situation, for the drug induced, liver evisceration caused, weight loss – and that directed the hospital staff to just KEEP GIVING LIVER EVISERATING DRUGS – EVEN OVERDOSES OF TYLENOL ORDERED SCHEDULED AT 1,000mgs every so many hours and at the same time ordering NORCO with tons of other unnecessary drugs that also cause liver injury?!?!

    She entered the hospital looking like a beautiful young lady, I even have a video of her there blowing out the candles of what was to be her LAST BDAY CAKE – still beautiful. in a month and a half she looks like 100lbs from 160 just months earlier, WITH 40lbs of belly edema, her hair fell out in huge clumps, a MOVEMENT DISORDER (tardive dyskinesia – from a blind cocktail of psych drugs Seroquel 25mg mixed w reglan 10mg and atarax 50mg and coreg and double dose of benadryll?!? would THIS not hurt anyone?) – she turned into a pile of human rubble overnight – I have videos and photos showing the decline because the doctors would not come in the room when I was there so I'd have to take a video and go find them and INSIST THAT THIS WAS NO SUCCESS AND ASK WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. Despite some of these doctors WATCHED THE ENTIRE DECLINE AS PROVEN WITH THE MEDICAL RECORDS they write nothing about her physical changes almost never including a weight in their notes.

    While I was desperately trying to stop the drugs and save her life, I was told my interference was what WAS CAUSING ALL HER SUFFERING. I have videos of her recoveries during the times I was successful in stopping the drugs – she would immediately spring back to life and be telling stories, moving her arms, feeding herself and joy to be around. the videos were taken by her dad because he was so happy she had so many friends visiting and she was having fun – after months of total TORTURE.

    …and then they just kill her – not just my opinion but also the opinion of the depty attorney general who prosecuted the nurses that I caught grinding 12 hour time release morphine into this freshly placed feeding tube WHILE SHE SLEPT! the depty attorney general included in her summation " and then the patient was EUTHANIZED and the doctors cannot explain how that happened." Oh dont worry those nurses were punished, just kidding, they got probation which is probably a fancy word for huge severance package and then a promotion in 3 years when they come back like nothing happened.

    What I see – is that this system DOESNT KNOW WHEN IT IS CAUSING THE SUFFERING EVEN WHEN THE ADVERSE REACTIONS ARE WELL KNOWN – the system has become so risk adverse that it will NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO RECORD A SIDE EFFECT OR STOP A DRUG THAT IS HURTING A PATIENT (perhaps stopping the drug would reveal it was causing the problem the whole time?) – NO MATTER HOW DEVASTED THE PATIENT IS FROM THE PLAN OF CARE THE NURSES ALWAYS WRITE "PROGRESSING AS EXPECTED – CONTINUE THE PLAN" if they write anything at all.

    I am so truly disgusted – that tardive dyskensia atrocity – the doctors/nurses just stood around going "mother" thinks this is tardive dyskinesia BUT IT IS NOT – mother is the problem – and then they kept battering her against her will with those awful drug combos. the word medieval comes to mind.

    Their insults do not hurt me, it does hurt me when I see their slander against her because she suffered so much because of those falshoods and she was a really good person.

    She is dead now and I am left looking at records that say it WAS ALL MY FAULT – and I didn't even live in the state when she fell ill from these drugs. ITS A CRUEL AND SELFISH SYSTEM – I would just hope you will all take a moment and understand that the family of the victims that die like this do not ever go a single day without the horrors revisiting them so take a moment before you start accusing the family of causing their loved one suffering because those family members live with that the rest of their lives – those family members are just trying to save their loved ones lives.

    In closing, I know for a fact that their are many wonderful doctors and nurses in the world – I see that a lot of them are trying to get out information about some of the drug induced terrors my daughter was traumatized by – and YOU are here doing this – so I know – but there are many doctors that are hurting people and it is clear to me that patients have NO VOICE ANYWHERE AND UNTIL I KNOW THOSE TEAMS THAT HURT MY DAUGHTER CANNOT HURT PATIENTS CURRENTLY IN THOSE BEDS – I'm going to be worried about them.

    Ive rambled again, but please do a segment on NSAIDS and please do another on ADVERSE REACTION CHARTING. Thank you, zdog.

    I do feel like I failed my beautiful daughter who deserved the best of everything – they are right about that.

  49. I have ALS but even though I know I need an advanced directive I cannot choose the right time because I want to see my son grow up so when I die he is able to cope. He has had a really traumatic childhood and is bomb proof but I believe when I die it's like a grenade taking all those closest to you apart. I am so frightened of losing my ability to communicate and then wanting to be let go and I cant express it. Or maybe just go and leave my son falling apart and never able to get support from me. It's hard to make a directive. In my 30's I worked on a stroke unit and said I would never have a peg. 3 years later I was begging for one as it was the only way I could cope with my failing intestine. I have an advanced directive written out before they were legal in the UK and it is wildly out of date. Things change. I am lost for choices right now and scared I will do it too late or too soon.

  50. Have you ever watched the movie "how to die in oregon" if not i highly recommend, check out the trailer to see if it resonates. Produced in 2011

  51. Omg….how often I watched this shit….my first memory of me leaving the ICU training was a small old women crying because they hooked her husband on an ECMO and she told me he never would have wanted that….and I told her I'm sorry but I'm just a student and didn't have a say in it. And we sat there and cried together for some minutes…. and I hugged her and left….because my time there was over….
    I still remember crying myself to sleep because I felt so cowardly for saying nothing….but being thrown out of one school already for not licking everyone's a** I had no choice…

  52. Cancer pretty much runs in my family. I have been around (and finally in) hospice since I was about 10 years old. I keep going back and forth about an advanced directive, but my actual end of life wishes will not be honored. I know, Z-Pack, I've heard it all before: "But they will be honored!" Here is the thing, however. My end of life wishes are illegal in the State in which I reside. The advanced directive is unenforceable because one cannot enforce an illegal contract. I don't want to lay there for a week or two just to go through the dying process, letting nature take its course. I want to die on my terms and in my own way. I don't want to lay there in pain or drugged out of my mind – I want to just be gone. It has happening anyway – why not ease me on over? So – until I either move to a place that allows me to not lay there and suffer as my body shuts down or Laws are changed in my state – I can't have an advanced directive.

  53. It seems often like the loudest voices of "do everything to keep the person alive" have no real experience with serious chronic illness. I walked into an ER with 73% oxygen saturation on room air and I was intubated for 10 days at the age of 28 after getting an infection in all of the lobes of my lungs and then having ARDS, and I didn't even feel like a human being after a few days. I lost all feeling in my legs even though I had good pulses. After several days I started suffering from insomnia because of all the lights and noise in the MICU. Because of my age aggressive treatment made sense, but I was miserable and did not care at all if I died; it felt like my brain had actually prepared my body to just be okay with whatever happened it was surreal. Every day the physicians rounding maybe spent 5 minutes with me and ignored all my concerns and complaints because my vitals became stabilized. Then they started giving me an inhaled medicine that caused a v/q mismatch and almost killed me a second time. 28 years old and after I extubated I had to learn how to brush my teeth and walk again, and go to the bathroom in a toilet instead of a bed pan. Imagine trying to do all that at age 90 without even the hope of recovery and having a decent enough life after. I truly believe there is no dignity in death no matter what, death is not a dignified process, but DNR and dying quickly has to be much better than with your ribs cracked and a bunch of tubes in all your orifices surrounded by a bunch of strangers.

  54. I am a National Advance Care Planning Coordinator. For the last week I've been working long days and over the weekend putting together new public education materials and it feels like we're pushing against a mountain of fear and denial. I've had so many older adults say when I ask them if they've thought about CPR, "Sure, let's give it a try." One of my partners just sent me this link, and I began to sob. It is absolutely perfect. Every word is what we're trying to get across. I will be sending it to everyone I know and adding it to our resources page. I've always been a fan but now I'm a super fan. You are my hero ZDogg.

  55. I know my boys would want me on life support but my daughter is a nurse and I was a nurses aid, and I do not want to be hooked up to machines. My kids love me with all their hearts, but I think my daughter will use her nursing knowledge and what I  have talked with them . and I pray when she does act on my wishes the boys understand it was my choice.   Most people have no idea what nursing homes are like, I sure do not want to be in one. Send me home to God when it is my time.

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